I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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