I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
