YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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