hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
