I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize