Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
