So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
