I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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