i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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