I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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