I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
stop calling my apartment porn island.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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