I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
