My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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