i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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