Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
