i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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