We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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