So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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