my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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