I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
