i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
