I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
