My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
