Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
