He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
