i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
