oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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