i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
