i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
