why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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