take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
