ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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