my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
