Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
