Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
