I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You smell like stripper and shame
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
