I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
