Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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