if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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