Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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