PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
