What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
