Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
