I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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