maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
