I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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