ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
