It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
