The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
