just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
