My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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