I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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