the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
