my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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