So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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