I think my fart just growled at me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize