She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
