swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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