If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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