Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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