either way he was missing a nipple.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
