Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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