I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
