Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
