So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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