Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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