Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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