Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
