And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
