jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
