Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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