It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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