no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
