and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize