i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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