so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How naked do you want me to be?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
