so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
