He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
