She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
