I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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