Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize