last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
