do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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