apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
