i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
