And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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