Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
