I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
