Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
