I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
